WTF is my problem hahaha. I just want to be more strict on my posts, no room for feelings here hahaha.

I fill my soul with optimism. I know people with faults such as being cheaters, liars, sluts, whatevs. Yet even after knowing all that I still always positively spoke of them. I’m not one for spreading negativity. But lately, I’ve been finding that I really don’t like the people around me anymore. Including those who aren’t really my friends, just people I know of. It bothers the shit out of me that they’re down to cheat on their boyfriends/girlfriends. I especially hate “hooking-up.” I hate how this girl hates that girl for no apparent reason, or some stupid shit like “oh she has freckles I hate her.” I hate how they treat smoking and drinking as their god-complex. I hate how judgmental they get. I just can’t seem to fathom that these people have been right under my nose. I had my world, and now I’ve been introduced to an entirely different one.

I’ll stop right there. I’m pretty sure this is a temporary feeling, in a few days I’ll go back to being whatev. I’m just irritated, I ain’t hip to that shit.

I was about to do one but then I read over the topics, and I lost interest.

This life is just fucked up beyond repair.
But that doesn’t mean I won’t rebuild it.

I’m tired of getting instantly mad. And it kills me that I feel so contained in this “home.” This isn’t a matter of self-control nor a lack of discipline. I’ve become trapped in this place. And a home is supposed to be a place to breathe easy.

Must keep this rant short.

“thats wats up girl with tats like that are exy as fuckclick on y profile pic and you can ee a few”

OKAY TAKE THAT SHIT SOMEWHERE ELSE.
AND TAKE AN ENGLISH CLASS ALONG THE WAY. 

Kinda sucks that I’m always back and forth with you. Right now I’m slowly realizing that you really aren’t all that your cracked up to be. You keep things to yourself quite often; I didn’t want to sleep last night until you let your feelings out. And after that I needed you to stay on the phone with me because I felt too lonely to sleep. But I was forced to rely on someone else. Supposedly you were sleeping, but I have a gut feeling that you were just playing Call of Duty. Considering I play myself, I never thought that I would become that girlfriend, you know the kind. Shoulda broke your shit hahahaha. But when you’re with me sometimes things are okay. There are times when things are even better than okay. I wana be co-pilots with you, but it’s hard to keep it together. We need to work on consistency for a little bit.

I just want you to know I’m still here. And if you go to jail mother fucker I’m still here hehe.

I wanna be beautiful. It’s extremely lame of me to suddenly feel that to be that way I have to wear makeup. I feel like my face has potential, but I just don’t work on it. These pretty chicks put me down on the reaal, saying to thee boyfriend “oh, she’s pretty” monotone as shit. I see you. I’m boutta do some showing up hahahaha.

Another thought: I hate putting shit on my face. I hate makeup.

After today, I will never cry again.
Lol, I’m so dumb. 

08/26/10
32 months
But why the fuck am I still counting? 

Never.. ever ever ever ever EVER! Tell me who I am. I rarely get angry, but if you treat me as if you can read me, I promise you it will not be pretty. I have gotten into horrible fights with my parents [I don’t like fighting with them, but you have to realize that their bullshit is amplified compared to every other parent] and it would not be a problem for me to really hurt you. And no, I don’t mean with words. And yes, I am a lot stronger than the average teenage boy. I don’t build myself up and carry myself as a conservative, independent young adult just to be misunderstood. My dignity is important to me and I will defend it. So see me as who I really am and tell people what is true; never slander me. To falsify my name, to act as if you can see straight into my eyes..  bad idea.

Apologies for acting like a child in the first like with the ever’s, hehe.

-leave me the fuck alone, get out of my life.

I’m sorry. That’s all I can do to compensate for any hurt feelings. The truth is, you make me sad. I mean, yeah you make me happy but deep down when it comes to us, the thoughts tear me up inside. I can’t escape the fact that you’re not him. I’m hurting, and there isn’t much you can do to ease that. It’s all my fault, I’m not putting any blame on you. You just came into the picture, a little too late..

I had a dream about you last night. I woke up in tears, but I haven’t been happy like that in months. Thanks for making an appearance, I hope to see you again soon.